I nearly laughed out loud at the irony. There I was for the third time that week. I sat in a heavy traffic jam. I stared at a billboard promising freedom through a car purchase. The same car I’d probably be making payments on for the next six or so years.
That moment crystallized something I’d been circling for months. We’re sold definitions of freedom that rarely deliver: the dream job, financial independence, the perfect relationship. I’ve chased many of them in the past. Each achievement brought that dopamine hit of satisfaction before the goalposts inevitably shifted again.
My perspective shifted years ago during a summer’s brutal work project. Deadlines crushed in from all sides, stakeholders contradicted each other daily, and my stress levels redlined. Yet somehow, in that pressure-cooker environment, I stumbled onto something unexpected.
Freedom wasn’t about escaping one’s circumstances. Freedom is lived in the space between what happened and how I chose to respond.
I started experimenting. I was stuck in that infamous traffic. Instead of white-knuckling the steering wheel, I listened to audiobooks. They challenged my thinking and offered new perspectives. When difficult colleagues pushed my buttons, I practiced the uncomfortable pause between trigger and reaction. Nothing external had changed—but my relationship to it all had transformed completely.
Some mornings I still wake up measuring freedom in outdated ways: dollars in my account, vacation days remaining, projects completed. Old habits. That is when I pause. I take three deliberate breaths. I remember that authentic freedom isn’t about controlling my environment. It’s about expanding my capacity to navigate it with intention.
My most transformative question isn’t “How do I escape this situation?” but “What might this situation be trying to teach me?” This subtle shift has created more growth than any external achievement on my resume.
Where in your life might you be measuring freedom through someone else’s yardstick? What would change if you redefined it as internal capacity rather than external circumstance?
The real journey begins when we stop trying to control the ocean and finally learn to sail.
L J Padayachy 
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